It's christmas tomorrow.. and if you had asked me a couple of weeks ago how I think I might be feeling on christmas day I would have said: tired, worthless and lost, but something happend, everything kinda changed dirrection facing back to this one week in summer, a week where everything felt ok I guess. I have so much to give and I know that a have a lot to recive aswell I just have to keep telling myself that good things come to those that wait, however hard waiting may be right now. I think the road ahead looks pretty, easy... yet hard In a good way. Something or someone better said has got me wishing for easter to come, I think thats when I'll be able to start giving again.
I think it's important to know... that sometimes when you can really let go of something, you might just reolize what you're actually meant to have. It's complicated. I just wish I could tell the me from yesturday what I know now.
I'm falling too fast..

It's been said. This is an unhappy place. I don't want it to be a closed door for old, bad memories... or an open door for new ones. I think it needs some decorating (:

Recently I've realized something they told me was impossible, is possible. If a person needs to change, not just for the people he/she loves, but for their own feelings too, a person can change.

I understand my true feelings and I've learned what we're supposed to feel; I've learned how to react to every situation, what to say and how to feel what the other person feels in that situation; I've leaned how to put others first and I know that everything that happened, happened for a reason, and that every time we mess up because we don't know what we're doing, we'll always get the opportunity to learn and change.

I'm very happy (:

I'll hug you when I see you ^^

Dear F****r

I can't look at your face, It disgraces me knowing that those words came from your mouth, and I always looked up to you hoping one day I could have a heart like yours, but now It hurts to even think I did. I don't know whether to help you see the truth, or to let you see what it would be like if what you thought was true.

As I cry I you'll see the hurt I'm going through, I can't let you die without you knowing what I really feel.

When the wind blows it whispers you name in my ear,
It tells me you cannot see through all of the fear,
As watching you is all I have left,
As my heart you riped from in my chest,
As the days go by slower every second,
As I look for something else forgotten,
It whispers to me, don't you cry,
Now all those tears you have to dry,
With nothing left but memories and hope,
My neck it will not touch this rope,
These memories will get me through,
As life is short, he whispers, what else can you do?
I told him that if life is short then what have we to loose?
I know that there are only two choices left, and one you have to choose.

Pathetic

Porque tenias que morirte? Morirte solo de mi vida? De la vida de alguien que te quería más que nadie, como novios o como amigos, muertos o casados, y la mejor parte de esa vida, de la que te quiere tanto, empezó con una mirada y esa mirada cambio en pocas palabras. Lo intentamos? no se, no quiero perderte. Pero si no me tienes nunca, como vas a perderme? Y así empezó, cada día te dije que te ame y tu a mi, cada día te prometí que nunca iba a ir y cada vez que te vio alejando de mi tenia que luchar para no perderte, pero me dio igual porque para tus besos lucharía contra el mundo, para tus abrazos anduviera hasta el final del universo, para tu mano en casar no había nada que no haría hasta que si supiera el día de mi muerte casar contigo seria hasta lo único que quería cumplir antes de morir.
Pero acabas de romper ese sueno, acabas de matar la mejor parte de esa vida y no se si pudiera perdonarte, aunque hace pocos días te dije que nunca iría, pero tu porque puedes ir con tanto facilidad?
No se si quiero volver a ser engañada, a volver a tener mi sueno en mis manos para que otra vez me lo robas y lo sacas del agua como un pez y lo miras sufrir hasta matarlo de nuevo.
Pero eso es lo que mas me gusta de mis sueños, reviven, cada vez que mueren nunca se alejan de mi tanto como tu.

Falling in love

It brings back memories from the first time that I had forgotten. And the truth is that those are the happiest memories in my life so far. Sometimes I wish we could be like this forever, to just live of our conversations, but then we would never hold each other again, and those moments are priceless.

Love is confusing, frustrating, overpowering, terrifying, dangerous, but over all... love is beautiful.

Vuelven las memorias de la primera vez que se me olvide. Y la verdad es que son las memorias más felices de mi vida hasta ahora. A veces deseo que pudiéramos estar así para siempre, vivir solo de nuestras conversaciones, pero así no te tendría para abrazar, y esos momentos no llevan precio.

El amor es confuso, frustrante, todopoderosa, aterrador, peligroso, pero sobre todo… el amor es precioso.

Personal space creates tears

(And tears aren't our friends).

Now I realize that I am alone, that the only reason that I don't cry all day is because people surround me and I'm too shy to cry in front of them. I need personal space, time to let it out or it just gets worse every day, that thought in my head that tells me that I'll never hold you again.

But then the tears run out, they can no longer block my true feelings, and I fall in love.

Ahora doy cuenta de que estoy sola, que mi única razón por no llorar siempre es por que gente me rodean y soy demasiado tímida para llorar delante de ellos. Necesito mi espacio personal, tiempo para echarlo a fuera sino lo veo peor cada día, ese pensamiento en mi cabeza que me dice que nunca te tendría en mis brazos otra vez.

Pero acabo sin lágrimas, ya no pueden bloquear mis verdaderos sentimientos, y me enamoro.

Honesty

This is getting worse, the only thing I have to pass the time is to get pissed out of my face so that I can almost forget. I love how honest people can be, just when you think that someone's there to help you you realize their only there to fuck you up more, to stab you in the back when you take one look the other way, but I'm just the idiot whose always there to help people feel better, even if they're there to hurt me, but they still try to find the bad in me. Sometimes I wish I could just give up, I wish I could lie like you. Waist of fucking time lies are.

The fear/El miedo

There are many things that scare me, many things I think twice about, but there are very few things that make me happy. I would say there’s only one thing in my life that makes me happy, but it’s also my biggest fear, the fear of hurting or loosing more of what I had, but the only thing we should fear is fear itself because fear is the reason we loose what we have. I feel I’m loosing the only thing I really can’t loose, the only thing that fills my heart and however scared I may be I will never stop hoping, I don’t stop living when I fear dying, so I wont stop loving you when I fear loosing you, you’re my happiness and my everything and my love for you is stronger than any other feeling.
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Hay muchas cosas que me dan miedo, muchas cosas que me hacen pensar dos veces, pero hay muy pocas cosas que me hacen feliz. Diria que solo hay una cosa en mi vida que me hace sentir feliz, pero tambien en mi mayor miedo, el miedo del dolor o de perder mas lo que tenia, pero lo unico que nos debe dar miedo es el miedo mismo porque el miedo es la razon por perder lo que tenemos. Siento que estoy perdiendo lo unico que no puedo perder, lo unico que me llena el corazon y da igual cuanto miedo tengo nunca voy a perder esperanza, no paro de vivir cuando tengo miedo a morrir, pues no voy a parar de amarte cuando tengo miedo de perderte, eres mi felicidad y mi todo y mi amor para ti es mas fuerte que cualquier sentimiento.

A true friend

Sorry about writing this in English, I know you wont be able to understand, but sometimes, when I have strong feelings I can't express them in another language, I don't know why.
To a true friend, your the only person I can really see at the moment, everyone else is just a shadow, a thought or a blank page. I can see them, I can feel their presents, but they don't understand me like you. After everything thats happened in the last few months your the only one who's been able to help me, I just hope that soon I can get out of this state of mind I'm in that makes every day seem like a worthless waist of time so that I can be there for the others that need my help.
I will be there for you whenever you need me,I will be a true friend.